Happy Birthday Daddy

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear Daddy,
Happy Birthday to you.

We Miss You Daddy...

I wanted so bad to see him today when we arrived off the ship. To greet my mom and I as we got off the boat. It was sad he was not there. I thought of him and talked to him a lot during the trip. The trip helped me gain a little peace of mind and the tenacity to start school tomorrow.

I still feel like this is a dream or that he is away on vacation. It's hard to believe we buried him almost a month ago. I can't believe he will never see me get my nursing degree, have children, or see his grandchildren grow up. Tears are never enough to express how much I miss him.

What I would do to hear one more "I love you Marge" or get one last kiss and hug. Life will never be the same without him.

I miss and love you very much daddy. And mom misses you to. More than you will ever know.

Carnival Conquest Cruise - August 2008

Mom and I arrived back to the great ole' U.S.A today after a 7 day cruise vacation. We had a great time and wished Dad was able to come along with us as well as Matt.

We did however receive some bad news the last night we were to stay on the ship. My mom's house was broken into and a lot of her stuff is missing. I still can't believe it happened. We have a suspicion of who it is and I can't believe this person would sink that low. It had to be someone she knew or knew she was going out of town, even though my brother was supposed to be house sitting. My brother is staying with her to ensure her safety. Despite the bad news we tried to make the last day a little fun. Enjoy our vacation albums, all 4 of them. They are in out of order so the first one you see is the last, so start at the bottom and go up.

We also found out today that one of my mom's sister's has breast cancer in both breast. I will leave her name out in case she does not want it to be known to everyone yet. This was very upsetting to my mom and she is in need of prayers again.

Trying to make him proud....

I have decided to go on and take the HESI test this Saturday. I am going to study my butt off with Cassie. Then on August 17 - August 24 my mom and I are going to take a vacation together. We are going on a 7 day cruise out of Galveston. It will be nice to get away and try to have some fun. I know my dad would want my mom to go on a vacation.

Then August 25th I start school again. It's going to be hard to try to get on with life. I feel my dads presence with me and I feel him rooting me on.

I've talked to him several times today. I just miss him so much.

A Poem for Dad:

Across the years we'll miss you
And often times we'll cry.
If love could have saved you.
You never would have died.

In life we loved you dearly,
In death we love you still.
In out hearts you hold a place
That no one can ever fill.

author: Suzie B.

And he is laid to rest......

Everlasting Memorial Link: http://www.mem.com/movie/MovingMemories.asp?ID=2566388


I thank everyone for the love and support you provided my family both days.

The Memorial was just perfect. Afterwards my moms church fed the family some incredible food and dessert. My dad loved to eat so I felt like I was eating in his honor. How I ate a bowl of soup, a huge sandwich, 3 pickles and some banana pudding, chocolate cake an a chocolate chip cookie...not sure but it was yummy.

The Burial was tough. I stayed through the entire event as if I were guarding his last moments. Watching them lower my father into his final resting place with respect and dignity was comforting. The vault top was beautiful bearing a large silver cross and his name inscribed with the date of birth and death. Once they placed the vault top on a layer of clean white sand covered the vault and then dirt on top. Every one was respectful and all the beautiful flowers that were sent were laid on top. Rest easy daddy.

After a quick trip home to change Matt and I headed back to Mom's. My dad's family was still in town so we wanted to be able to spend a little more time with them. My dad loved his Arkansas Family and having them there today and afterwards made me feel like I was so close to him.

Mom and I had a brief moment in my parents room. I wanted him to be there, to be able to look over and see him coming out of the bathroom or from the living room. I just miss him so much already. I was able to get a couple of his shirts and spray them with his Brut cologne and it smelled just like him.

Matt and I left and I just cried the whole way home. Urg! This is so tough.....

Oh Daddy, I miss you so much.....

Words can't express how much I miss my daddy already. I am still in a state of shock that he is gone. I still expect to go to my parents house tomorrow and see him in the back room. Oh Daddy, I miss you so much.

From Matt:

Requiem for a Heavyweight

My father-in-law, Don Moon, passed away yesterday afternoon after a brave battle with cancer. He was a great man and I will miss him forever.

Don Moon loved ice cream. He loved chocolate gravy and biscuits. He loved KFC original chicken and McDonald's french fries. He loved westerns and Clint Eastwood. Walking Tall (the original please). Booty Call. He loved Elvis Presley and oldies music.

Most of all, Don Moon loved his family. His was an unwavering love that didn't have time for resentment or grudges. Don was a man of character and I hope that I can be a fraction of the man that he was. I will always love and remember him for the happiness that he gave to others, whether through a well told joke or a funny story or just by putting his arm around you and telling you that he was there for you.

He touched more people than he probably ever knew through just being himself.

Rest easy my good man. I love you more than you know.

Visitation & Funeral Arrangements

Visitation

Brookside Funeral Home
August 8th, 2008
4:00p.m. - 8:00p.m.
*The casket will be open

Memorial Service

Needham Road Baptist Church
August 9th, 2008
10:00 a.m.
*The casket will not be at this location

Burial

Brookside Funeral Home
August 9th, 2008
2:00p.m.
*The casket will be closed


Links:

Brookside Funeral Home
http://www.dignitymemorial.com/0253/LocalHome.aspx?id=Home&LocNumbNLang=0253&LoadDefault=1

Needham Road Baptist Church
http://churchat242.org/newindex_files/Page682.htm


Phone Numbers:

Mom - 281-701-1661 - cell
Mom - 281-689-7816 - home
Margie - 832-928-6678 -cell
Matt - 281-414-2957 - cell
Pam-832-482-7063 - cell
Don -936-648-8312 -cell

The time has come

My father passed away today, August 6, 2008 at 2:20pm.

My dad's new home

My dad is being moved today to Odyssey House in Conroe.  Here is a link to the facility.

http://odysseyhouseconroe.com/

The next few weeks.....

I spoke with my mom this morning and she has spoken with about 3 doctors today. The news is awful....my dad is dying.

I don't know if I am going to have the strength to write to much more over the next 10 days but I am going to try. So please bear with me.....

My dad is moving to the Odyssey house today or tomorrow depending on the weather. Now it is just waiting for his suffering to end.

Thanks to all who have kept up with my blog. It's been a great outlet for me to smear my feelings across.

Please feel free to call if you want updates. I may or may not be able to emotionally give them all the time but I will do my best.

I can't really believe the end is near and that I am loosing the best father a girl could ever have.

Not so good news....

So much has taken place since Saturday, I just can't emotionally write it all so I am going to make it quick.

1-Sunday my Dad received Dialysis again - did not go well at all. He became very agitated during the session. She was able to complete about 2.5 hours. As soon as the dialysis was over she taped up the catheter and my dad immediately ripped it out, blood shot everywhere.

2-The Nephrologist came in today and said she saw no change in my dad's kidney function and she did not see any reason to place the catheter back in for more dialysis.

3-She said at this point with all that has transpired he has about 10 days left.

My mom will speak with Palliative Care in the morning to discuss a DNR order and to talk about an in-patient Hospice program, the Odyssey House in Conroe.

The most gut wrenching conversation I had with my dad today is he asked me "Did that lady come her to pass?" I said no. He then opened his eyes really big at me and asked well is it me? And I had to tell him yes. And he just said "Oh no, Oh no." It was the most heartbreaking sound I have ever heard from my father. I just can't even get it out of my head, I can just hear it playing over and over again.

I know I have said this over and over but he just does not deserve this. He has been a hard working man his entire life and he should have been able to retire with my mom and do the things he wanted.

I can't understand why this happened to him and I will never understand it...period!

A Smidgen of a Change

Today I picked my mom up from the hospital and we attended the boys Baseball & T-ball game. It was nice to spend some time with my mom away from the hospital. After the game was over we headed back to the hospital.

Last night the changed my dads medication to Hydromorphone/Dilaudid. She seemed to think changing this medication would help with the delirium my dad is having. Since my dads kidneys are not able to process out toxins, and all the previous medication before the switch went through the kidneys the metabolites are staying in his body and are pretty much causing a slight overdose. The new medication will still be processed through the kidneys but will also have the liver to help. So more to come on how changing his medication helps his state of mind.

Dialysis came in today and tried to complete dialysis but she said something was wrong with the implant. She called the doc and they said they are going to come in and put another one in and do dialysis tomorrow.

It seems if it's not one thing it's five. The first implant hurt him like hell and I hate to see him go through it again. The reason behind this is my dad yesterday tried to pull it out. Even though it was sutured to his leg, he pulled the sutures out and had started to pull the implanted catheter out. He is just so out of it he has no idea what he is doing. He has even tried to pull out his feeding tube and his urinary catheter.

The one thing that seemed to be different was he was trying to sit up on the side of the bed every so often. I was able to give him a rag bath and put some powder and lotion on his body. His skin just looks terrible.

So that's the report for today, more to come after my visit with him tomorrow.

Some Hope on a Bleek Day

Well despite my dad trying to rip out his catheter, IVs, and the port for the Dialysis he was unsuccessful. He is still very confused but today we spoke to the on-call Oncologist and we talked a little about Hospice. The doctor said he was going to call in Palliative Care and that would give us a little in between. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Palliative_care

I felt a little better after the P.A. spoke with us and I hope we get to see some kinda change.

My mom is staying at the hospital tonight and I will get a report in the morning, so I will update the blog with more info then.

Check this out to, my cousin sent this to my dad. It was so yummy and very thoughtful.

No Progress

Well after a little bit (2hours) of sleep I thought when I woke up I might see an improvement in my dad's mental awareness but that did not prove to be so. He is getting more and more belligerent and fights with me. Although I am trying to help him - he has it in his head that I am not helping him. It's painful. Mom is on a break - well needed! It is mentally exhausting.

Dr. Field(Surgeon) & Dr. Khreish(Nephrologist) came in this to talk about my dad. Dr. Khreish said some functions looked slightly better today but she felt we would need to do dialysis again. I also told her that he was being very mean, is very agitated, and fighting me so she said she might want to do a scan of the brain to see what might be going on. Dr. Field said my dad's digestive system is shutting down due to the renal failure and the are working to try to get him better.

He is miserable in this hospital. He wants to smoke, which I can't blame him for that. I wish at this point they would just let us go home, so we can call in Hospice and get ready. Next time I see a doctor I want to talk about that.

My dad is still delusional but at times can be lucid (lasts about 30 seconds).

2:30 am and we are wide awake

My poor father, we ask a lot of him....

He has been crying out for his son today. I know he wants to see him badly. It breaks my heart when he asks "where's Don." He has also been doing a lot of talking to Johnny, Tempie, Cloda, and Mamie. He has called me Mamie a few times today and said you better watch it.

He had a port placed into his femoral artery so that dialysis could be completed. Watching the doctor place that in was very educational. He walked me through each step of the way.

Finally around 6 or so the Dialysis nurse came in and started dialysis. That procedure took about 4 hours and I enjoyed a nice chat with the nurse. She talked straight with me as if she were watching her own father. I really appreciated that. She did tell me he was actively dying and that it's coming. She told me that I should get in touch with Hospice so that it can be a more peaceful transition. I agree with her. We need to be prepared for this. I found myself having nightmares about his death. I dreamed that I would not let them take his body away, somehow that made it to final in my dreams.



I just can't get over that my dads health has deteriorated so fast and that his quality of life right now sucks. He told me today in a quick clear moment that we needed to be happy with whatever happened.

Now it is 3:30 am and just as I was writing this a crisis ensued....my dad jumped out of bed and said he was going to the bathroom. He can't even get up on his own but he sure was trying to get to the bathroom by himself. A disaster waiting to happen. He did not even make it to the bathroom and feces was all over the floor, which I tried to quickly clean up for him so that he would not be embarrassed. He fought me and fought me and once he made it to the toilet he collapsed, how he did not hurt himself I don't know. I had feces all over me so I just grin and wore it until I got him cleaned up.

Sorry if this is all over the place, I am sleep deprived.

I am on the verge of tears - just ready to release a huge cry. This is just to much to handle.