I miss you!

I miss Daddy! And everything you were. I miss you being the peace keeper. We really need you right now.

Paige's Birthday

Today I attended my niece's birthday party and it really got me thinking about my father. He loved her so much, called her is "SUNSHINE." Can't you tell when you look at that photo??

I am supposed to be studying today for a big test on Tuesday and I just could not focus after the party so I thought I would watch some TV. I checked my list of TIVO'ed events and I had a few Home Edition's to watch so I clicked it and watched away. Boy I was hit like a ton of bricks. This Home edition was about a woman who's sister died of cervical cancer in August 2004 and she promised her sister that she would take care of her 10 kids. My father died in August so it was one of those similarities that hit to close to home. I started bawling like a baby. Then it got so bad that I wanted to hear my dad's voice. Not that I have forgotten what his voice sounded like, I just wanted to hear his voice and see him alive. I had taken these video's of him while he was in the hospital and I have not watched them since his death. I could not bring myself to watch them, but I decided to torture myself tonight and watch them. At least I did get to see him 'alive' and I got to hear his voice, but I am a mess now. I would like nothing more to crawl into a fetal position on the floor and not get up. I can't even stand the thought of Thanksgiving or Christmas. They will never be the same. What's a daughter suppose to do without the HERO she once had in her life.

When I must leave you

- WHEN I MUST LEAVE YOU -

When I must leave you for a little while -
Please do not greive and shed wild tears and hug your sorrow to you through the years,
But start out bravelu with a gallant smile;
And for my sake and in my name live on and do all things the same,
Feed not your loneliness on empty days,
But fill each waking hour in useful ways,
Reach out your hand in comfort and in cheer and I in turn will comfort you and hold you near;
And never, never be afraid to die,
For I am waiting for you in the sky!

-Helen Steiner Rice-

We Remember Them

At the rising of the sun and at its going down, We remember them.
At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of the winter, We remember them.
At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of Spring, We remember them.
At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer, We remember them.
At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn, We remember them.
At the beginning of the year and when it ends, We remember them.
As long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us as, We remember them.
When we are weary and in need of strength, We remember them.
When we are lost and sick at the heart, We remember them.
When we have joy we crave to share, We remember them.
When we have decisions that are difficult to make, We remember them.
When we have achievements that are based on theirs, We remember them.
As long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us as, We Remember them.

I love you Daddy, and I will always remember you!

I wish I could tell you this in person.....

I love you daddy! I am still in shock your gone and I so badly want to talk to you. I want a big ole' bear hug from you and hear the good ole' words "I love you Marge."

My heart aches. Who am I going to get advise about how to fix my household annoyances or suggestions on what to do with my car.

I look over in my hall way at an unfinished project we started, and I don't know if I will ever want to finish it. How am I supposed to finish it without you?

I miss you Daddy, so very very very much.

Happy Birthday Daddy

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear Daddy,
Happy Birthday to you.

We Miss You Daddy...

I wanted so bad to see him today when we arrived off the ship. To greet my mom and I as we got off the boat. It was sad he was not there. I thought of him and talked to him a lot during the trip. The trip helped me gain a little peace of mind and the tenacity to start school tomorrow.

I still feel like this is a dream or that he is away on vacation. It's hard to believe we buried him almost a month ago. I can't believe he will never see me get my nursing degree, have children, or see his grandchildren grow up. Tears are never enough to express how much I miss him.

What I would do to hear one more "I love you Marge" or get one last kiss and hug. Life will never be the same without him.

I miss and love you very much daddy. And mom misses you to. More than you will ever know.

Carnival Conquest Cruise - August 2008

Mom and I arrived back to the great ole' U.S.A today after a 7 day cruise vacation. We had a great time and wished Dad was able to come along with us as well as Matt.

We did however receive some bad news the last night we were to stay on the ship. My mom's house was broken into and a lot of her stuff is missing. I still can't believe it happened. We have a suspicion of who it is and I can't believe this person would sink that low. It had to be someone she knew or knew she was going out of town, even though my brother was supposed to be house sitting. My brother is staying with her to ensure her safety. Despite the bad news we tried to make the last day a little fun. Enjoy our vacation albums, all 4 of them. They are in out of order so the first one you see is the last, so start at the bottom and go up.

We also found out today that one of my mom's sister's has breast cancer in both breast. I will leave her name out in case she does not want it to be known to everyone yet. This was very upsetting to my mom and she is in need of prayers again.

Trying to make him proud....

I have decided to go on and take the HESI test this Saturday. I am going to study my butt off with Cassie. Then on August 17 - August 24 my mom and I are going to take a vacation together. We are going on a 7 day cruise out of Galveston. It will be nice to get away and try to have some fun. I know my dad would want my mom to go on a vacation.

Then August 25th I start school again. It's going to be hard to try to get on with life. I feel my dads presence with me and I feel him rooting me on.

I've talked to him several times today. I just miss him so much.

A Poem for Dad:

Across the years we'll miss you
And often times we'll cry.
If love could have saved you.
You never would have died.

In life we loved you dearly,
In death we love you still.
In out hearts you hold a place
That no one can ever fill.

author: Suzie B.

And he is laid to rest......

Everlasting Memorial Link: http://www.mem.com/movie/MovingMemories.asp?ID=2566388


I thank everyone for the love and support you provided my family both days.

The Memorial was just perfect. Afterwards my moms church fed the family some incredible food and dessert. My dad loved to eat so I felt like I was eating in his honor. How I ate a bowl of soup, a huge sandwich, 3 pickles and some banana pudding, chocolate cake an a chocolate chip cookie...not sure but it was yummy.

The Burial was tough. I stayed through the entire event as if I were guarding his last moments. Watching them lower my father into his final resting place with respect and dignity was comforting. The vault top was beautiful bearing a large silver cross and his name inscribed with the date of birth and death. Once they placed the vault top on a layer of clean white sand covered the vault and then dirt on top. Every one was respectful and all the beautiful flowers that were sent were laid on top. Rest easy daddy.

After a quick trip home to change Matt and I headed back to Mom's. My dad's family was still in town so we wanted to be able to spend a little more time with them. My dad loved his Arkansas Family and having them there today and afterwards made me feel like I was so close to him.

Mom and I had a brief moment in my parents room. I wanted him to be there, to be able to look over and see him coming out of the bathroom or from the living room. I just miss him so much already. I was able to get a couple of his shirts and spray them with his Brut cologne and it smelled just like him.

Matt and I left and I just cried the whole way home. Urg! This is so tough.....

Oh Daddy, I miss you so much.....

Words can't express how much I miss my daddy already. I am still in a state of shock that he is gone. I still expect to go to my parents house tomorrow and see him in the back room. Oh Daddy, I miss you so much.

From Matt:

Requiem for a Heavyweight

My father-in-law, Don Moon, passed away yesterday afternoon after a brave battle with cancer. He was a great man and I will miss him forever.

Don Moon loved ice cream. He loved chocolate gravy and biscuits. He loved KFC original chicken and McDonald's french fries. He loved westerns and Clint Eastwood. Walking Tall (the original please). Booty Call. He loved Elvis Presley and oldies music.

Most of all, Don Moon loved his family. His was an unwavering love that didn't have time for resentment or grudges. Don was a man of character and I hope that I can be a fraction of the man that he was. I will always love and remember him for the happiness that he gave to others, whether through a well told joke or a funny story or just by putting his arm around you and telling you that he was there for you.

He touched more people than he probably ever knew through just being himself.

Rest easy my good man. I love you more than you know.

Visitation & Funeral Arrangements

Visitation

Brookside Funeral Home
August 8th, 2008
4:00p.m. - 8:00p.m.
*The casket will be open

Memorial Service

Needham Road Baptist Church
August 9th, 2008
10:00 a.m.
*The casket will not be at this location

Burial

Brookside Funeral Home
August 9th, 2008
2:00p.m.
*The casket will be closed


Links:

Brookside Funeral Home
http://www.dignitymemorial.com/0253/LocalHome.aspx?id=Home&LocNumbNLang=0253&LoadDefault=1

Needham Road Baptist Church
http://churchat242.org/newindex_files/Page682.htm


Phone Numbers:

Mom - 281-701-1661 - cell
Mom - 281-689-7816 - home
Margie - 832-928-6678 -cell
Matt - 281-414-2957 - cell
Pam-832-482-7063 - cell
Don -936-648-8312 -cell

The time has come

My father passed away today, August 6, 2008 at 2:20pm.

My dad's new home

My dad is being moved today to Odyssey House in Conroe.  Here is a link to the facility.

http://odysseyhouseconroe.com/

The next few weeks.....

I spoke with my mom this morning and she has spoken with about 3 doctors today. The news is awful....my dad is dying.

I don't know if I am going to have the strength to write to much more over the next 10 days but I am going to try. So please bear with me.....

My dad is moving to the Odyssey house today or tomorrow depending on the weather. Now it is just waiting for his suffering to end.

Thanks to all who have kept up with my blog. It's been a great outlet for me to smear my feelings across.

Please feel free to call if you want updates. I may or may not be able to emotionally give them all the time but I will do my best.

I can't really believe the end is near and that I am loosing the best father a girl could ever have.

Not so good news....

So much has taken place since Saturday, I just can't emotionally write it all so I am going to make it quick.

1-Sunday my Dad received Dialysis again - did not go well at all. He became very agitated during the session. She was able to complete about 2.5 hours. As soon as the dialysis was over she taped up the catheter and my dad immediately ripped it out, blood shot everywhere.

2-The Nephrologist came in today and said she saw no change in my dad's kidney function and she did not see any reason to place the catheter back in for more dialysis.

3-She said at this point with all that has transpired he has about 10 days left.

My mom will speak with Palliative Care in the morning to discuss a DNR order and to talk about an in-patient Hospice program, the Odyssey House in Conroe.

The most gut wrenching conversation I had with my dad today is he asked me "Did that lady come her to pass?" I said no. He then opened his eyes really big at me and asked well is it me? And I had to tell him yes. And he just said "Oh no, Oh no." It was the most heartbreaking sound I have ever heard from my father. I just can't even get it out of my head, I can just hear it playing over and over again.

I know I have said this over and over but he just does not deserve this. He has been a hard working man his entire life and he should have been able to retire with my mom and do the things he wanted.

I can't understand why this happened to him and I will never understand it...period!

A Smidgen of a Change

Today I picked my mom up from the hospital and we attended the boys Baseball & T-ball game. It was nice to spend some time with my mom away from the hospital. After the game was over we headed back to the hospital.

Last night the changed my dads medication to Hydromorphone/Dilaudid. She seemed to think changing this medication would help with the delirium my dad is having. Since my dads kidneys are not able to process out toxins, and all the previous medication before the switch went through the kidneys the metabolites are staying in his body and are pretty much causing a slight overdose. The new medication will still be processed through the kidneys but will also have the liver to help. So more to come on how changing his medication helps his state of mind.

Dialysis came in today and tried to complete dialysis but she said something was wrong with the implant. She called the doc and they said they are going to come in and put another one in and do dialysis tomorrow.

It seems if it's not one thing it's five. The first implant hurt him like hell and I hate to see him go through it again. The reason behind this is my dad yesterday tried to pull it out. Even though it was sutured to his leg, he pulled the sutures out and had started to pull the implanted catheter out. He is just so out of it he has no idea what he is doing. He has even tried to pull out his feeding tube and his urinary catheter.

The one thing that seemed to be different was he was trying to sit up on the side of the bed every so often. I was able to give him a rag bath and put some powder and lotion on his body. His skin just looks terrible.

So that's the report for today, more to come after my visit with him tomorrow.

Some Hope on a Bleek Day

Well despite my dad trying to rip out his catheter, IVs, and the port for the Dialysis he was unsuccessful. He is still very confused but today we spoke to the on-call Oncologist and we talked a little about Hospice. The doctor said he was going to call in Palliative Care and that would give us a little in between. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Palliative_care

I felt a little better after the P.A. spoke with us and I hope we get to see some kinda change.

My mom is staying at the hospital tonight and I will get a report in the morning, so I will update the blog with more info then.

Check this out to, my cousin sent this to my dad. It was so yummy and very thoughtful.

No Progress

Well after a little bit (2hours) of sleep I thought when I woke up I might see an improvement in my dad's mental awareness but that did not prove to be so. He is getting more and more belligerent and fights with me. Although I am trying to help him - he has it in his head that I am not helping him. It's painful. Mom is on a break - well needed! It is mentally exhausting.

Dr. Field(Surgeon) & Dr. Khreish(Nephrologist) came in this to talk about my dad. Dr. Khreish said some functions looked slightly better today but she felt we would need to do dialysis again. I also told her that he was being very mean, is very agitated, and fighting me so she said she might want to do a scan of the brain to see what might be going on. Dr. Field said my dad's digestive system is shutting down due to the renal failure and the are working to try to get him better.

He is miserable in this hospital. He wants to smoke, which I can't blame him for that. I wish at this point they would just let us go home, so we can call in Hospice and get ready. Next time I see a doctor I want to talk about that.

My dad is still delusional but at times can be lucid (lasts about 30 seconds).

2:30 am and we are wide awake

My poor father, we ask a lot of him....

He has been crying out for his son today. I know he wants to see him badly. It breaks my heart when he asks "where's Don." He has also been doing a lot of talking to Johnny, Tempie, Cloda, and Mamie. He has called me Mamie a few times today and said you better watch it.

He had a port placed into his femoral artery so that dialysis could be completed. Watching the doctor place that in was very educational. He walked me through each step of the way.

Finally around 6 or so the Dialysis nurse came in and started dialysis. That procedure took about 4 hours and I enjoyed a nice chat with the nurse. She talked straight with me as if she were watching her own father. I really appreciated that. She did tell me he was actively dying and that it's coming. She told me that I should get in touch with Hospice so that it can be a more peaceful transition. I agree with her. We need to be prepared for this. I found myself having nightmares about his death. I dreamed that I would not let them take his body away, somehow that made it to final in my dreams.



I just can't get over that my dads health has deteriorated so fast and that his quality of life right now sucks. He told me today in a quick clear moment that we needed to be happy with whatever happened.

Now it is 3:30 am and just as I was writing this a crisis ensued....my dad jumped out of bed and said he was going to the bathroom. He can't even get up on his own but he sure was trying to get to the bathroom by himself. A disaster waiting to happen. He did not even make it to the bathroom and feces was all over the floor, which I tried to quickly clean up for him so that he would not be embarrassed. He fought me and fought me and once he made it to the toilet he collapsed, how he did not hurt himself I don't know. I had feces all over me so I just grin and wore it until I got him cleaned up.

Sorry if this is all over the place, I am sleep deprived.

I am on the verge of tears - just ready to release a huge cry. This is just to much to handle.

Fears we are near the end....

Today they did a Doppler kidney test on my dad to see what the hell is going on with his kidneys. He's had pretty much zero urine output for the past 2 days. The doctor said his digestive system is shutting down - My aunt said he has been belching up the Ensure all day today. My mom is staying overnight with him and after my doctors apt. in the morning I am going to go up and stay overnight with him.

He has had several visitor's during this hospital stay - Thanks to everyone who has visited my dad. It mean a lot to me.

The hospital has WiFi so I am going to take my pc up with me so I can keep the blog accurately updated.

Please keep us in your thoughts.

Still in The Woodlands Hospital

Here are a few things that have happened yesterday and today.....

1-Dad's bladder is not draining, so they decided he needed another catheter.
2-Dad had some kidney stones pass when the placed the catheter in.
3-Today they are doing a few ultrasound's one on his kidneys and one on his bladder.
4-Still waiting on the pathology report to determine if the nodules on the diaphram are cancer.

I love The Woodlands hospital. They seem to be very thorough and the environment is much better that at NE Hospital. My dad is very very weak which makes it hard for him to get up and down. I have really checked out this week since my mom's sister (Aunt Barbara) has been helping. It has been nice to have the help so I could run some errands and try to get some of my studies in order. That is still not going to well, my concentration is not where it should be. I have a doctor appointment in the morning and then I plan to head over to stay overnight with my dad. I should have a better picture of what is going on and will blog about it then. Till then please continue to send us your good thoughts, we need all of them right now.

Thanks to everyone who read the blog!

Surgery Was Successful

My dad made it through the laporoscopy surgery and the feeding tube was successfully placed back into my dads stomach. The doctor said it is possible that my dad will be released today, but we will see. He has to make sure my dad's intestine's are gonna work properly.

The doctor also said he had some bad news to deliver. While he was inside he saw new nodules on my dad's diaphragm, I counted at least 16. He said that with my dad's chemo therapy these news ones should not have shown up. He said that my dad's body is eating away at its on muscle since he is so malnourished from the cancer taking all of the calories. In a round about way he said things are not good.

G-Tube Issues & another Hospital stay

Today I met my mom over at Dr Field's office at 10:30. He tried to insert my dad's G-Tube in the office and said he wanted to get an X-ray to ensure the tube was in the right place. Well we walked over to The Woodlands X-ray and got an X-ray and hustled back to Dr Field's office. Once there he came out and said it was in-conclusive. So we had to hustle back over to the hospital for another X-ray and a CT Scan. Dr. Field came out and said the tube did not make it to the stomach so they are admitting him to try laporoscopy surgery and if that does not work they will have to open him up. Either way they have to put him under so we run the risk of him not waking up since his body is so frail. We also were warned that infection may set in since his stomach has been leaking, and the possibility of internal damage from the leakage as well. He just went back to srugery and we hope for good news. He will be here at least 2 days, I'm just glad we're in the Woodlands.

Released Yesterday and back today....

1:21 p.m. - Well mom just called and said that they sent my dad home. No X-ray to see if anything is wrong. No feeding tube in - so my dad can actually be fed.....
The last time I spoke with Dr Fields office they said on the end of the tube was a balloon and if my dad pulled the tube out don't you think he has a hole in his stomach? I know your body is amazing and it heals itself but this just does not sound right. So my mom has to call Dr Fields office in the morning to see what we are suppose to do.

12:52 p.m. -My mom just called to give me an update. I swear this whole incident with my fathers health and seeing the way things work is clouding my dream of wanting to become a nurse. Why? Listen to this..... Mom said that one doctor came in earlier and said they MIGHT have to do an X-Ray to see if the feeding tube had caused any damage or to see if any thing was leaking out of his stomach. No X-ray was completed but a doctor came in and just tried to stick the feeding tube back in. No pain medication at all. My mom said my dad finally grabbed his hand and said he told him to stop because the pain was to much to handle. So the doctor laid the feeding tube down, asked who did the initial implant, and walked out the room. I mean come on? How much more pain do they expect this man to handle? I'm just sick about it. More to come.


1045 a.m. -Yesterday around 5pm my dad was released from the hospital. He was giddy about sleeping in his own bed. I called my mom last night to check on him and she said he was up, in the living room watching a movie with her. That was a nice change.

This morning around 9:30am my mom called and said they were on their way to the hospital. Last night my dad must have caught the tube on something and pulled it out. She said he went on back to sleep but when he woke up he had blood all over his shirt. So she called the doctor and they said to bring him in.

My parents are now in The Woodlands Emergency Room waiting to be seen by the doctor. More to follow.

Memorial Hermann Northeast Hospital Sucks

I don't think I can say it enough so I will say it one more time, Memorial Hermann Northeast Hospital Sucks. I wonder if what happened today has happened to anyone else when a loved one is at the hospital or is it just this one.

Today I went up to relieve my mom at around 11. They decided not to release my dad today, they want to do some additional tests on my dads kidney's.

They started giving him so medication that is helping lower his potassium level and this medication really messes with your ability to hold your bowls. After having an accident and messing himself all over, I told the nurse and asked the cleaning lady to please come in and clean.

I went ahead and cleaned my dad up and was walked all the soiled linens to a drop and saw the cleaning lady walking off and I caught her. She said she was going to go to lunch and she would be back. I told her, nope I don't think so and she cleaned my dads room then. This happened about 5 additional times today in which I had to clean up the mess even though I told the nurse it needed to be cleaned. So you can imagine how humiliating that must be for my dad. Then about 1 I figured I had better give my dad an ensure since no one came in to feed him all day. They still brought trays of food even though we told them he will not eat it. So pretty much they were letting my dad starve. They also were not coming in to give him his inhaler or breathing treatments. Why? Not freaking sure. They are doing a 24 hour urine sampling on my dad so they have his urine on ice in the bathroom. Well all the ice was melted by 4, so I had to re-fill it with ice even though they said they would do it - and never did. One of my dad's LVN's was supposed to come back with a depends and to clean up my dad...well this bitch never showed back up. She showed up about 2 hours later asking how many bowel movements my dad had. I told her and then I just had to say "Oh don't worry about cleaning him up, I did your job for you." I mean come on. If that was her dad she would be pissed if someone just forgot about him. On top of that when my dad got up to go to the bathroom I noticed his sheets needed changed so I went ahead and stripped the bed and asked for clean sheets.

I just think this is WRONG! No one should be treated that way. I know I am more protective of my dad since this has been going on - but I'm not wrong for feeling pissed off at this hospital. RIGHT????

The last report was my dad's kidneys are functioning at 40-50% and they are still saying he is not a candidate for dialysis. They are running some more test on his bladder and kidney to determine a course of action. A physical therapist came in to discuss PT at home and my dad was interested.

So tomorrow I am going back up at 8:30 so my mom can go home to meet up with some of her sisters and they are going to help her clean house and mow the lawn. I hope my dad gets released tomorrow so he can go home. He is just more comfortable there and he gets better care from my mom and I.

Hard Decision's To Make

My mom called me tonight and said the renal doctor came in with an update. He said basically there is nothing they can do to help my dad at this point. He said the renal damage has been caused by my dad's high blood pressure over the years and I assume with the recent chemo it has really brought this to light. He said he is not a candidate for dialysis yet but possibly in the future. So at this point they said we really need to make some decisions about what we want to do in the future. Do we or do we not continue Chemo and let the cancer take its course. They are talking about letting me dad out of the hospital tomorrow. This is just to much. I mean how do you sit down with your loved one and ask them if they are ready to die?

Today was HORRIBLE

Well we started out at 845 at Dr Suki's office for another blood draw. Two hours later we were still not able to get chemo due to a high creatinine level and potassium level. They asked us to follow up with Dr Pandya and so on and so forth. I had to place a hault and say, something is not right. He is talking out of his head again and something does not seem right so they rushed around and decided he should see the doctor again. Around 11am they hustled us back to a room to wait over 2 hours for the doctor to come in and get orders for a hospital stay. The Sub-Doctor (Dr. Suki is out of town) said my dad's kidney functions were not good and she wanted him to see a nephrologist. One of my dad's nurses took me aside and showed me my dads blood work and said his urine was not toxic yet, but that he was in renal failure. So then around 1:30 we headed over to NE Hospital for yet another hospital stay. After Dr. Suki's office told us we had a room/bed ready as soon as we showed up - what do you think they said. We don't have a room. Urg! How many times can this happen.... Around 5:30 my dad was placed in a room but not in the unit they asked him to be admitted to. They wanted him in IMCU and they placed him on a regular floor. I completely lost it today with this hospital and this will be the last stay we have there EVER!!! During the admission process I had to call Matt and ask him to e-mail over a list of my dad's medication. I watched the lady print a copy, make a copy for my mom, and add it to his admission packet. Then when the nurse popped in and asked for a list of all his meds I told her, we already did that and to find the copy....another nurse came in and asked where a list of his meds are. Finally I said why is this our responsibility...you have it find it. I also sat out in the hall and answered over 15 minutes of questions they asked me about my dad's health and when the nurse switched duty, she tried to ask me some of the same questions. I don't know if she is to lazy to look in the computer but I told her, we already answered all those questions and to basically look in the computer. Then when we told the nurse he was supposed to be admitted to IMCU she actually asked "well why is he not there." I almost flipped my shit. I told her "You tell me." I don't think she liked that very much. I felt like an awful person for getting so frustrated, but enough is enough. Then when I am about to leave this nurse, which I am not so found of stopped I guess to give us a "PEP TALK" She told us that my dad was very sick. We needed to start thinking about my dad's quality of life and we needed to start making the hard decisions about what to do. How dare her... We know this shit. I just don't even think it was her place to start lecturing us. She did not have a kind spirit this time nor the last time we had her as a nurse. I thought people were nurses because they like to help people and they care about people. You find out - that's not so. So now they are talking about moving my dad to the cancer part of the hospital or to IMCU.

I also had to scramble around to get 3 people and a notary to meet me at the hospital in the morning to finish out my dad's will. I was successful in doing so and I am so thankful to all the folks who dropped everything to say yep I will be there, no problem at all.

I hope all goes well in the morning and for now I need to try to settle down and go to bed. It's going to be a big emotional day tomorrow.

The last call from my mom last night was to tell me my brother had been arrested and my parents truck was impounded. So yet another mess to clean up for him. Jail is the best place for my brother anyway, just might get his ass clean. That remains to be seen.

So we try again tomorrow....

Monday and Tuesday show my dad's Creatinine level to high so he could not take the CHEMO so we are going to try again tomorrow. Three days in a row, 3 vials of blood. What does that mean:

Creatinine is mainly filtered by the kidney, though a small amount is actively secreted. There is little-to-no tubular reabsorption of creatinine. If the filtering of the kidney is deficient, blood levels rise. As a result, creatinine levels in blood and urine may be used to calculate the creatinine clearance(ClCr), which reflects the glomerular filtration rate (GFR). The GFR is clinically important because it is a measurement of renal function. However, in cases of severe renal dysfunction, the creatinine clearance rate will be "overestimated" because the active secretion of creatinine will account for a larger fraction of the total creatinine cleared. Ketoacids, cimetidine and trimethoprim reduce creatinine tubular secretion and therefore increase the accuracy of the GFR estimate, particularly in severe renal dysfunction. (In the absence of secretion, creatinine behaves like inulin.) - Thanks Wikipedia.com

So either this means my dad is not getting enough fluid or his kidney's are not doing a good job filtering Creatinine. That's the last thing I want to hear....I used to think the heart is the most important organ in the body but after studying A&P I think it's the kidneys. Once those start failing all is lost. So they gave my dad another night of fluid and I gave him 2 bottles of water in his tube today and I hope that helps. I just hope he is able to do the CHEMO tomorrow.

And after all that I had to ask my brother to move out of my parents house FOR MY MOM and that did not end pretty. I will spare you all the hurtful things my brother said to me so you won't hate him. He will someday realize the hurt he has caused and I hope he will be able to live with himself after he is clean and sober.

Asking for help is Frustrating

Just when you think the door is open, it's slammed in your face. I hope none of my family or friends ever have to deal with what my family is going through right now. I am emotionally exhausted not to mention physically.

Here is my beef: I called my dad's insurance company and they gave me some hope. They told me they would pay for home health to come out for about 4 hours 5 times a week. That would be perfect, Mom could still work 1/2 days and have someone come out and watch dad for 1/2 day. So I picked up the phone to call some home health agencies that would come to Splendora. When I called here came the door....They told me even though my insurance company says they will pay that they won’t and they don't. She told me she was sorry to be blunt but she had been through this time and time again. They submit for reimbursement and BCBS only pays the minimum and then the patient is stuck with the bill. SO that door was closed and no help was on the way.

My friend gave me a connection to Houston Hospice so I called this morning. The lady was so nice and they offered a lot of help, still not the help we need but at least it was something. Then the door closed.....we only come out once the person has exhausted all treatment options. Basically I got the jist of once everything else has failed and they are going to die, that's when we help. My dad's doctor is still moving forward with chemo and has not said he is going to stop. So that door was closed and no help is on the way.

I feel so helpless. My mom and I are they only one's taking care of my dad and we are tired. We need help someone who can come out and stay with my dad at least 2 days a week for at least 8 hours. You can't find that kind of help anywhere. Are we asking too much? What do people do who have family members who are in need of supervision but do not want to make the move to a care facility. I guess they think you can't have your cake and eat it too.

Now don't get me wrong, you can really find that help but that help cost an arm and a leg. Cancer is expensive and that is already eating away at my parent’s money. I help them as much as I can but I can't go into debt either trying to help. That would break my dad's heart.
I just wish my dad could count on his son and his other daughter to provide the help that my mom and I do. DO they not remember our dad busting his ass every day to put food on the table, quite frankly to give us everything we needed? He never complained. His day was always wonderful. I miss those days.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

My dad is about the same. We are still feeding him through a tube and doping him up as much as possible. He sleeps about 20 hours a day. Nothing much to report.

I am on the verge of finding the highest mountain top and screaming "FUCK YOU COLON CANCER, YOU STOLE MY DAD AND I HATE YOU FOR THAT."

Tuesday, 7/15/08

My dad saw Dr Suki yesterday and actually gave us some good news. He said that the tumors are shrinking a little. I can't remember what test he said they could do but the results show it went down from 8.7 to 8 so that is some good progress. He also said since my dads weight is fluctuating that he is going to get home health come out and set up a pump that feeds him all night. We will see how that works.

My dad's company said they were going to keep him on full pay and full benefits until chemo is over but yesterday when I called his HR department they said they could no longer do that since it is going to be a while. I just wish they had not given my mom false hope. Now they are going to send my mom some paperwork on short term disability and get that going. He will still have benefits but he will have to pay for them.

I am going out tomorrow to take care of him since mom will be working all day tomorrow, so I will be able to give more of an update on his progress.

He has good weeks and bad weeks. The days following chemo are horrible, then you see him start to get a little better and then off to chemo to feel bad again. It's suck a whirlwind of emotions.

Dad's brothers and sisters w/o Jessie

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Thursday my dad went to see a urologist and the news was not so great. Honestly I wish I could tell you all the stuff Dr. Pandya told us but it was just to much. I did catch on to him saying that the tumors looked as if they are increasing a little and not shrinking. He also has a permanent catheter which he is not happy about and I don't blame him. We have another Dr visit with Suki on Monday so I hope to get some more answers then.....we will see. If you don't know the right questions to ask you don't get all the health information you need to make informed decisions.

On a more positive note my dad's family drove in from Arkansas to visit him and have the annual family reunion at my parents place. Even though my dad was really sick he was still able to see his house full of his family. When we had to tell my dad he was not able to travel per doctors orders he almost cried. So when we were told his family was coming down...we cried out of excitement for him. The day was just perfect and it was amazing to see everyone. See our picture.

Tuesday, July 8th 2008

I met mom and dad over at Dr Suki's office for chemo today. Mom went on to work and dad and I stayed for chemo. He was done around 1pm today so I took him on home. He is still not eating and his only source of food is the Ensure we feed him through his tube. I also try to make sure I put at least a few bottles of water in him a day to prevent dehydration.

As for now Dr Suki said he thought the tumor's were shrinking but can't say 100% until another PetScan is done.

Tomorrow dad has to finish up with his last chemo treatment and then on Friday we are off to Marvell, Arkansas for the annual family reunion.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

It's been a quiet week. Dad is still trucking along. He is still very tired, weak, and sleeps as much as he can. He has chemo next week and still is wanting to go to Arkansas for his family reunion. I don't think it's a good idea for him to travel but he wants to see his family, so I can't argue with that.

Dad was able to go to the dentist today and get his dentures re-aligned so now they fit. We are hoping that this will help him want to eat now. We will see.

So that's about all.... no news is good news right now.

Friday, June 27, 2008

It's amazing what urine back-up can do to your body. With that said I met my mom at Dr Suki's office for some blood work. Even though my dad was tired he was acting different. After the lab work I put my dad in the car for the drive home. It was then that I noticed he was not having hallucinations or jerks. We had a good conversation on the way home and he was even able to show me some "back roads." Once we got home I fed him through his tube and he took a long nap. Then he sat outside on the porch for a while and then off to the living room. I could tell he was feeling a lot better than yesterday. Hence, it's amazing what urine back-up can do.

I got my dad an appointment to see a dentist next Thursday and we are hoping re-aligning his dentures will help with his eating problem. I also was able to get an appointment with a urologist so my dad can fin out why he is having urine retention.

I hope my dad's weekend is a peaceful one.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

I spent the night at my parents house last night to relive my mom a bit and help her with a few things around the house. Dad is having colon spasm's so it is tricking his mind into thinking he has to go to the bathroom all the time. So dealing with that on top of being weak from the chemo takes all his energy. I have no idea how he has the strength to continue to go to appointments and do all the other stuff we ask of him.

This morning I took dad over to get his DC Pump removed. I knew my dad was retaining water and I felt he had some edema in his ankle's so I asked the nurses to check it. His nurse said he did have edema and called in some fluid pills and some potassium to help with the swelling.

So off we went to the Pet/Cat Scan area where my dad had to try and drink barium. Yeah right! I ended up having to put it in his feeding tube. I have grown to really love this feeding tube. Anyway after that we headed home.

Once we made it home, Jamie from Dr Suki's office called and said we had to bring dad back up to the hospital before 4 today. She said his bladder was distended and they needed to place a catheter in and he needed to see a urologist.

After the nurse placed the catheter in she drained 1600cc from his bladder which is like triple of what a full bladder should hold.

Mom said she thought he was feeling better after all that was completed. All day on Wednesday and Thursday when I was with him he was hallucinating and twitching really bad. He mostly is staying in the bedroom and we feed him through the feeding tube. Now that we got a system down we have actually out weight on him even with a liquid diet. We give him 5 Ensure shakes a day and 2-3 bottles of water through the feeding tube, whatever else he will eat during the day is a bonus. These bonus foods consist of 2 bites of this or 2 bites of that here and there.

I am going to meet mom at Dr Suki's office at 830 in the morning for my dad to get lab work completed. Then I am going to take him home and stay until my mom gets home. I hope he is more lucid tomorrow. That would be a huge plus.

Tuesday, June 24th, 2008

Monday we saw Dr Suki and he decided to go ahead with my dads chemo treatment. So he started his round one on Monday. Dr Suki is very concerned that my dad is giving up. He said he needs to fight and right now he knows my dad has just lost the will. He is just so tired and I know he is fighting so hard to live for us right now. He was just out of it on Monday during chemo and my mom said he was the same today. She said he is talking out of his head, is very weak, and stumbling all over the place. He is going to end up hurting himself. My mom is going to take him again for his appointment in the morning and I am going to go out to Splendora in the morning and help her out a bit.

After talking with Dr Suki on Monday he gives my dad 18-20 months if he fights the cancer. If we can't get him well enough to fight then he does not give him as long.

Hard to hear and write.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

They released my dad from the hospital today. Not sure why but he is happy and more comfortable at home. He is still having several problems and things look pretty bleak. Mom took him home and said that he had already fell a few times at home so it looks like he is going to need some care 24/7 whether he wants to admit it or not. Mom is going to call Dr Suki in the morning to see if we can get an appointment and get some answers about what to face going forward.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

They are not releasing my dad from the hospital just yet... they Respiratory doctor came in today and told my mom that the cancer has not only spread to his brain but that they found more spots on my dads lungs. It's just seems when it rains it pours. He is just not himself the last few days, and it's just crushing my heart to watch. Its not fair.....

Friday - June 20th, 2008

My dad is still in the hospital and not really getting better. Dr Suki came in today and said that he thought he had a lung infection and was waiting for the results from an MRI. He told my dad he had to fight! He stressed the treatment would not work if he did not fight. He said the chemotherapy for colon cancer has a high success rate. After that Dr Suki told my mom and I that they found two spots on my dads brain. He could not say if it was malignant or not. That was just heartbreaking news. He still is not eating so we are having to feed him through his feeding tube. My dad just wants to go home and get comfortable. Dr Suki said he might let him go home tomorrow. After today I am not sure if that's possible but we will see.

He is at Memorial Herman Northeast Hospital in Humble, room 331 if you want to visit.

Wednesday, June 18th 2008

Before dads appointment today he fell a few times at the house.  My mom said his eyes rolled in the back of his head.  Lucky he had a doctor appointment today and Dr Suki said his blood pressure was very low (74/56) so they were going to give him some fluids and see if that helped.  The last blood pressure measure was 84/54  and he was still feeling dizzy.  So Dr Suki decided to admit him to the hospital for some tests.  So I am on my way over to NorthEast Hospital in Humble to stay overnight with him.  More updates to come.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Today I met my mom over at Dr Suki's office for my dad's lab work. Mom went on to work and Dad and I finished up his labs and then we headed for another doctor appointment with Dr. Field. Dr Field is my dad's surgeon who implanted his feeding tube, chemo port, and removed my dads tumor.

Dr Field looked concerned about my dad and said he would be talking to Dr Suki to see if they could come up with some other form of pain management. My dad still can't get rid of pain even with all the medications he is on.

Dr Field gave strict instructions that my dad must have at least 5 Ensure's a day and at least 2 bottles of water in the feeding tube. He said everything else is a bonus.

So after that I carried my dad home and fed him an ensure and a bottle of water through the feeding tube. At one point he stumbled out of the bathroom and fell. He seemed to be very light headed and dizzy. I was scared to leave him but my brother was due home at 1pm so I asked him to check on my dad. I tried not to break down today but it was just heartbreaking. When I was leaving I gave him a big hug and the tears started. Urg!

After I left I went by a medical supply store to get some better syringes to feed my dad through the tube and carried them to my mom.

Finally I headed home.

Friday the 13th, 2008

On Wednesday, I picked up dad and took him over to Kingwood for a round of Erbitux. He had to see Dr Suki first then we went on back. It was a pretty long day. Dad is still having a hard time getting comfortable and sleeping through the night. The doctor gave him some more pain medications and a new sleeping pill. Dad has dropped about 10 more pounds, he weighed in at 155 pounds. The doctor told him he has to gain weight or he will not be able to beat the cancer with chemo.

The schedule changed up a bit. It takes a bit to get used to all the routine of it. One week my dad goes for labs and then the next day a round of Erbitux and a few other IV's so he does not have a reaction. Then the next week its labs on Tuesday, Chemo on Wed-Friday, and a round of Erbitux. So much to keep up with. I can't imagine dealing with cancer alone.....

June 10th, 2008 - Tuesday

Dad had an appointment with Dr Fields'(his surgeon) today at 2:30. Once I got there my dad said he did not feel like he could make it so we rescheduled the appointment.

I fed dad an Ensure with ReLiv in it through the feeding tube. My dad seems to be real apprehensive about the tube. He feels its not right and unnatural. I keep explaining to him that if he will drink at least 4 Ensure's a day then he can probably get the feeding tube out.

I don't think he wants to do the ReLiv anymore, he said it taste's nasty. So I told my mom not to mix them up and only do the ReLiv in the tube until he gets it out. I think she wants this stuff to cure him, trying any and everything makes you feel better.

My dad is seeing Dr Suki in the morning and he is doing a round of Erbitux so we should be there for a while. I am going to try to get a list of questions together so my dad will be prepared what they may ask.

I think I might start taping the Dr Apt so I can listen again and transcribe them. You here so much, things get jumbled, and then you doubt. Urg!

Thursday & Friday June 5-6, 2008

Dad had a 2nd round of chemo on 6/5 and they sent him home again with a pump. Then my brother dropped him off again this morning and I met him over there. He had an IV medication that is a long lasting nausea medication.

I guess I did not ask enough questions, so I had them make me a calendar for June. The chemo is every two weeks, but its 2 day chemo. He has to go every week to get an IV injection of Erbitux which attacks the tumor and cancer and helps shrink them.

He went home today to rest and next week he goes for some blood work and another round of Erbitux. The we start all over again.

It's a lot to ask of him right now I feel. Ask him to eat right when he is not hungry. Ask him to quit smoking when he has the most stress in his life. Ask him to be positive when he is scared shitless. And above all ask him to fight for his life even when he feels like shit.

Wednesday - June 4, 2008

I met my mom and dad over in Kingwood for his 1st round of chemotherapy treatment. He looked awful, mom said he did not have a good night. I could tell he just looks like he is in a hella lot of pain, still. He still can't eat. He's drinking lots of ensure and every doctor appointment he goes to he has lost at least 1 or 2 pounds consistently.

So we met with Dr Suki before my dad started the treatment and finally around 11 am they started my dad on some IVs, I think a type of sodium chloride solution and a type of benedryl to make sure he does not have any reactions to the drugs. After that they started him on Adrucil, Erbitux, and Eloxatin for today. Today was the longest day, we got there at 9am and we left around 330, all in all the chemo took about 4 hour today.

I think he wanted to feel somewhat better after the treatment today but when we walked out he said he felt worse. They put a bag with chemo on his shoulder and sent us home.

He has to return tomorrow to remove the shoulder bag and IV.

My understanding is that he has to go every week.

Erbitux every week
Adrucil every 2 weeks
Eloxatin every 2 weeks

Once my dad has about 3-4 more weeks to heal from the surgery the doc is going to start him on Avastin. That will be an every 2 weeks thing too.

I asked the doctor to write a formal diagnosis so my mom can submit it to the insurance company for some possible reimbursements.

Health care is so expensive. The sad thing that I have come to realize to is about our healthcare is you better be prepared. You better write everything down. No one else will. No one else will keep all the appointments, medications, etc... straight. I feel sorry for people who do not at least have one person they can count on, it would be so hard to deal with it all.

They say Cancer is not a life sentence, I say "Cancer consumes the life of your family because they love you" and its a hard road. I am at the beginning of that road hesitant to walk forward. I have the push but I am resisting walking the road of Cancer. It is scaring the shit out of me. I just keep humming the lines to a Regina Spektor song...while we were on our knees - praying that disease--would leave the ones we love--and never come again. That's what I am wishing.

Friday, May 30th, 2008

I met my parents over at Dr Field's office around 1130 for my dads follow up. The showed us how to feed my dad through his feeding tube and how to clean it out. It was pretty gross but cool at the same time. He took all my dads staples out which was also cool to watch. He gave my dad some more pain medication and told my dad to follow up in 2 weeks.

Dad looked as if he was having a good day today. He told the doctor he was ready to try to quit smoking and asked for the patch. The doctor gave him a quick do's and don'ts while on the patch and then gave him an RX.

My mom was having some insurance problems with an injection my dad has to have every month. The insurance was refusing to pay, so I called them. Just an insurance thing so they gave me a number for the Dr to call for an override. Mom said they approved 4 shots for 50 bucks now, so it should not be a problem again.

My mom, dad, and I went to eat Fajitas at Taco Cabana and my dad ate just fine, so all in all today was a good day.

My mom started my dad on some stuff called Reliv. Have any of you heard of this and if you have tell me what you thought about it.

Wednesday - May 28th 2008

I took my dad to see Dr Suki today around 12:15. They gave my dad a handful of RX's and then shipped us off to this huge room full of patients getting chemo. It was so over whelming but we got shipped around to the right offices and right desks to get everything set up. My dad starts chemo next Wednesday. They gave us a ton of information to read so we can be more prepared for what to face.

He has a few more follow up Dr Appts this Friday and one next Tuesday.

I hope some of this medication will do "some kinda good" tonight. I will wait to see what my mom says in the morning to determine what's what.

5/25/08 - 4:30 p.m.

It was not a good day. My dad is in horrible pain again. Not only does he have to sit around his house in horrific pain he also has to deal with his 25 year old son who is mooching off him.

His 25 year old son has moved back home and is asking my dad to give him his own medication he takes for pain. My stupid drug addict brother is going to make it where my dad is going to have no pain medication because his son can't handle his own freaking life.

I need help. I don't know how to deal with this. I just can't stand it anymore. I called him today and told him he was a piece of shit, and all he could say was thanks!

Any advice helps.....

Evening Update 5/23/08

Matt and I visited my dad for a few hours today. We left around 330 or 4 today. The doctors were talking about letting him go home tonight. They took the epidural and his catheter out and as long as he could urinate on his own they would let him go.

Well all went well and my dad was out of the hospital by 6pm. He has a follow up visit in about a week. Until then he is going to heal up at home and wait to start chem in a few weeks.

The other news is the surgeon told my dad his cancer is a stage 3 not a stage 4. He also told my dad that out of our 22 lymph nodes he has 5 infected which are all around my dads neck. So he said it was not as bad as it could have been which give us a little more hope.

My dad is ready to fight this colon cancer.

5/21 - 5/23 2008

My dad has done a complete 180 degree turn. The first day after surgery I showed up at the hospital around 9am and spent the night. I observed so many freaking amazing things happen it has blown my mind. I say this because the first Dr we saw at Sadler Clinic was not even going to operate, so please keep that in mind when you read this….

The morning after surgery my dad was already saying “I’m hungry, when can I eat?” The pain that showed on his face 24/7 is under control. He is laughing and cutting up with the nurses, pretty much back to his old self. He is already getting up and out of bed, walking around. His kidneys are producing lots of urine which is a great sign. We played cards yesterday morning to pass the time before breakfast came because he just could not stop thinking about FOOD. He is ready to go home. He also has been wearing a patch to help with the nicotine. He has not really gripped about needing to go outside to smoke, I am super proud of him.

Mom stayed the night last night. I just called her and she gave me another great update. Dad saw two doctors yesterday. They said he was recovering great. They told him today he can start eating solid foods. As long as he tolerates that today he should be ready to go home on Saturday possibly.

Matt and I are going to visit for a little bit today.

5/19 & 5/20

My dad was admitted into the hospital around 3pm after a mix up, but I won't even go there. His room sucked. It was an ER Observation room until he went off to surgery this morning and then he got a nice tricked out room.

Last night was horrible to watch. He must have been up every hour on the hour. Even though they were dosing him with morphine every 2 hours and hydrocodone every 4 hours about 8 am this morning he said his pain was about a 1. That was awesome considering he told me last night on a scale of 1-10 what his pain level was and he said a 14. No matter if the pain is a 1 or a 14 he can't ever get comfortable.

He had surgery this morning around 11 and it was done about 1. They removed a mass from his colon near the hepatic flexure. The tumor was softball size. He said he did not really see any signs of spread to the lymph nodes or to any other parts of the colon. They put a port in for my dads chemotherapy as well as a feeding tube in case he can't eat after the surgery.

My mom is staying the night tonight. I am going back in the morning to stay tomorrow night.

5/19.2008

My dad had a 10 am visit with Dr Suki. He told my dad he had everything ready for him to go to the hospital. He will have surgery in the morning. I am going to stay the night with him tonight.

The PetScan showed that he had metastasis to both adrenal glands, the liver, the colong, the neck muscles, and to both lungs.

My dad will be in the hospital for about a week and then Dr Suki said Chemo will start.

Here we go....

5/16/2008

8:00 am - I had Lasik Surgery this morning. That went well but I wish I had waited...you'll see why below...

945 am -Dad saw Dr Suki this morning an he confirmed it is COLON CANCER. Dr Suki said he had never seen anything like this. He said it had spread to the muscle's in his neck and this could be why he is in so much pain.

1145am - Dad headed over to get the colonoscopy and endoscopy(sp?). The doctor told my dad he needed to have surgery now. He said the obstruction in his colon had almost completley blocked the ascending colon. Dad refused to go today. He has family coming in today and he wanted to see them.

This may be worse than we thought. So Monday we will see Dr Suki and my dad will probally be admitted into the hospital to have the cancer tumor thats on his colon removed.

Please pray for us.

5/15/2008

I met my mom and dad over off Vision Park today so my dad could get the steroid x-ray foramen shot. That went pretty smooth and we were leaving the office around 8:45am. So I took my dad to my house until his next appointment.

Around 2:30 we left my house and headed to Kingwood for the PetScan. We got there around 3:09 since I got freaking lost in Kingwood.....anybody who knows me knows I suck at directions. BAD!!! I completed the paperwork for him and they took him back right at 315. He was done and out by 5pm.

He said the shots from this morning had not helped him at all yet. SO keep your fingers crossed that when he wakes up in the morning he will feel some relief.

5/14/2008

Met mom at The Woodlands Hospital around 10 a.m. and the Radiology department got my dad back and the nurse assigned to my dad was much better. Atleast that round of tests are done. At around 1 p.m. I took dad on home.

I asked my dad about the procedure and he said he was awake the whole time. They gave him morphine for pain and they cut about three or four pieces out of his neck. He said it was very painful even with the morphine. His Blood Pressure showed he was in a lot of pain. 154/109. My dad has never swallowed a pill in his life, but by the time we had left he had taken 4 Hydrocodones to ease the pain in his neck.

They told us to watch him and report if we had any problems or go to the E.R. is anything arose.

Tomorrow is a big day, he is going in for surgery at 7 a.m. for the steroid shots in his neck and then he has a PetScan around 315.

5/13/2008

We saw Dr. Suki today for a second opinion and things happened so fast after that. He took the scans read over the diagnosis and asked what had been done so far. He asked my dad a lot of questions and was very compassionate. His whole office staff was great. He said he did not think it was Colon Cancer; his medical opinion is that it is Lung Cancer. He said he wanted to get an Endoscopy, Colonoscopy, a biopsy, and a PetScan completed to confirm the diagnosis. He immediately called a gastrointestinal doctor and got an appointment scheduled that day for my dad. He also was able to schedule a PetScan for Thursday, and the gastrointestinal doctor scheduled the endoscopy/colonoscopy for Friday. This doctor seemed to understand the urgency or my dad’s situation. I can’t believe that he got all that scheduled so soon. In the middle of this appointment my dad’s first doctor’s office from Sadler Clinic called me and asked has anyone called you to reschedule your biopsy? We said no and explained we were getting a second opinion and that this doctor had set up many secondary tests. They were a little concerned I could tell and asked us to keep them in the loop.

So we are back to the beginning of trying to determine what type of cancer this is. Colon Cancer vs. Lung Cancer, don’t know which is better? Dr. Suki said that Colon Cancer normally does not metastasis to the adrenal gland but he has seen several cases where lung cancer does. Once the biopsy is completed tomorrow, we will be one step closer to a 100% diagnosis. The final nail in the coffin will be the results from the colonoscopy and endoscopy. The gastrointestinal doctor said he would be able to rule out colon cancer with the colonoscopy and endoscopy, the biopsy, and the Pet Scan. I just don’t understand why Sadler Clinic Doctor’s would cancel the PetScan they had originally scheduled and did not even refer us to a gastrointestinal specialist for a colonoscopy. I guess there is no reason to ask I should just be thankful that we are in more experienced hands.

We will be off for the biopsy in the morning; it’s at 10am in The Woodlands. I just hope for a different round of nurses this time.

Side note: Dr Sweeny, my dad's PCP, still has not called me about the neck brace. Even though we dont need it, it just chaps my hide that they have not called back. Damn Sadler Clinic....

5/12/08

Evening Update:

Mom was able to get an appt for my dad with the ortho doctor. I met her around 1pm today in The Woodlands. The doctor came in and said "Has anyone told you how bad your neck is and gone over any options?" We said no! So he said:

1-You have arthritis which has made the foramen (holes in spine where nerves come out) in your spine smaller.
2- You have 2 cervical disc's that are bulging into the foramen as well.
3-Your nerve's in the neck are being compressed because of the above

Wow, I bet he has been in a lot of pain. So the doctor said there are treatments that are non-surgical. He cleared it with my dads insurance and they made an appointment on Thursday. They have to do a x-ray foramen shot. Similar to an epidural but he has to be perfect...so they give him a mild sedative and place him under to do this shot.

Dr Tomaczek and his office personal were awesome! It was like they could tell he was in pain and wanted to get him in as soon as possible. I will be sending them a thank you letter for sure.

They also wrote my dad an RX for a soft cervicle collar and the insurance company paid for it. My dad's PCP office never called me again today. I called them Thursday and still no word on callin in a RX. We were lucky to get in to see this doctor today...

Tomorrow I am going to meet my parents at Dr Suki's office on 1960 around 10:45 for a second opinion on my dads case.

Wish us Luck!


Morning Update

The doctor we were to see this morning had a death in his family and had to cancel my dad's appointment this morning. It was moved to Tuesday morning at 10:45. It's disappointing but I totally understand the need.

Mom is trying to call a ortho doc so he can see my dad about these cervical disk bulges he has. These are what is creating so much pain...he has to get some freaking relief.

I called his PCP to ask when they are going to fax the Rx so we can get my dad a neck brace. No one ever works at the speed you need them to.

5/9/08

I met my parents at The Woodlands Hospital this morning around 7:30 a.m. Dad checked in but I could tell he was in a great deal of pain. He just had that look on his face. He needed something for pain right then and there.... Once we got back we talked to a nurse for the pain and asked if they could give my dad Advil, dad says that is what really helps my dads neck. I must say the nurses at the Hospital did not give me the feeling that they were there to help. As my dad was sitting in this room requesting something for pain the nurses proceeded to laugh in the hall way with another patient in front of my dads room. And not just a quick laugh I mean like joking and laughing for 5-6 minutes. That really frustrated him since he (we) had told them he needed something for pain asap. Anyway Dad told us he took Advil that morning at 4 and right then and there the doctor said we needed to reschedule. He said the pain he is having needs to get under control before they can do a biopsy. So we left. I stopped at Walgreens to pickup some advil and drove my dad to the chriopractor. After the visit, he looked so much better. I could tell it really helped him. Then after that I took him on home. I was able to make a few follow up calls to both of his doctors. One about the biopsy reschedule and pain meds the other about a neck brace. Finally was able to get the doctor to order my dad a neck brace to see if that will help his neck pain. He has some pretty big knots in his neck, shoulder, and upper back around the shoulder.

I left my parents house around 630pm today and my mom had just brought all my brothers kids home so I am sure that will cheer my dad up.

I plan to go back and stay the night on Sunday so I can take everyone to the doc Monday morning for a second opinion.

I read over a cancer policy, called them to understand the benefits, and read over some material my mom brought home. It's just devasting to me to have to look at all that stuff, will, burial plots, freaking cancer policies.... I guess the reality of this situation is starting to sink in.

Thanks to everyone who has called, texted, e-mailed, and shared your own stories.....

Your support and thoughts mean so much to our family.

5/7/2008

I stayed at my parents place last night just to get my own picture of how my dad really is. I can tell he is in a lot of pain, it's awful to see him like that.

Today we got a video and a care packet from Cancer Treatment Center Of America. I watched the video while my dad took one of his many naps. Its was sad, I cried. Dad finally watched it but I don't think he is comfortable flying across the U.S. to get treatment.

I called and made an appointment for The Houston Cancer Center in Kingwood. My dad's friend who also had colon cancer referred us to Dr Suki. We have an appointment for a second opinion on Monday.

This Friday he is going in to The Woodlands Hospital for a Biopsy, I am not quite sure why though.

My dad is frustrated because no one is helping him with his neck. This neck injury is what's really killing him. He can't turn his neck, he said it hurts to hold up his neck... He wants to go to the chiropractor tomorrow so I am going to go get him after my Lasik Eye appointment tomorrow.

The only thing that helps him right now is someone to constantly rub his neck and shoulder with Ben-Gay type ointment. Today Matt ordered some Bio Freeze for him, my dad says that really helps him.

My Dad and I watched a couple of movies Severance and No Country for Old Men, they were pretty good. It was nice to have time to spend with him, but it helped the reality set in.

We have got to find a medical supply store so we can get him a cervical collar. He thinks this will help him, so I am gonna make sure he gets it.

5/5/2008

We visited with the doctor today. He told us my dad has Stage IV Colon Cancer that has spread to his kidney, adrenal gland, liver, and lymph node(s). They are not going to operate since the cancer has spread so much. A biopsy is scheduled for Friday to "prove" to the insurance company that it is 100% cancer.

My dads options are to either fight it without chemo/radiation and they can dope him up so he is pain free until he dies or he can take chemo/radiation and fight it that way. This is all just to much to handle. I can't even imagine my life without my father. I just have to keep telling myself that he is going to beat it and be with us for a long time.
After Friday we will know when he starts treatment and what treatment means.
I am in such denial and shock!

5/2/08

I swear, Sadler Clinic must have lost their effin mind. So they call my dad, tell him he has cancer, and they wanted to cancel his follow up appointment until they get a biopsy. They tell him they are not going to operate, they are going to experiment. BullShit! So then his PCP calls and tells him again he has cancer and that it does not look good. Then this doctor proceeds to tell my dad "If you had done the colonoscopy I asked you to get 4/5 years ago it might not be as bad." Now what kinda doctor says this Shit. So I took matters into my own hands today. I told my parents let Sadler Clinic do the biopsy and then we are going to Cancer Centers of America. I called them today and it was so awesome to hear someone give me hope. The center is in IL and they pay round trip air fare for my dad and a family member ever time he needs treatment. So I think this is the route we are going to go. I can't believe that my dad has been told he has cancer but they have not completed a biopsy and neither could Cancer Centers of America.

5/1/2008

The doctor called my dad today. They said the tests they completed on Wednesday showed my dad has Colon Cancer. The cancer has spread to his lymph nodes. We are seeing the Oncologist Monday to determine the stage and what happens going forward. They told my dad they will not operate, but that they will try a new procedure.

4/30/2008

We are still in a waiting game, today my dad had to see his doctor who shared the news that he had cancer. Had to get a Cat Scan, give blood, and get instructions for his next steps. He has 2 appointments on Friday, has to complete a 24 hour urine test on Sunday, and has another appointment with the doctor on Monday. It's crazy how quickly things start to happen. You barley have any time to soak the information up before you are getting instructions on what you have to do next. I feel awful for my dad, I can tell he is overwhelmed and does not want anyone to know. This was what the Dr. said, he is 99.9% sure its cancer but he does not know where the cancer is. Not sure if its on the adrenal gland, kidney, or liver. He also mentioned that he needed to get a good look at my dad's stomach to make sure no cancer was their. He is possibly going to do a biopsy of the lymph node depending on the urinalysis results. So again we wait! Not knowing what type of cancer it is or how we are going to beat this shit. I feel so selfish when I say this but its my finals week and I am so drained already I just want it to go away for 2 weeks. Just so I could finish school without the extra stress. Guess life never works on your plans. More details to come.

4/28/2008

4/28/08 - You always think they are going to be here forever. I had to come to reality that the statement is not always true. My dad went in for a neck injury and the last Cat Scan showed a mass above his left kidney. The mass is 6cm by 3cm. He has swelling in his cervical "neck" lymph nodes but his PCP could not confirm if they are related. He asked my dad to see an Ongologist Wednesday at 8am. They have pretty much told my parents that it was cancer without saying its cancer. "They want him to see the specialist" I don't think I am ready to face this, so for now I am telling myself nothing has been confirmed, so what do I worry about?My dad is a fighter and if its cancer our motto will be "FUCK CANCER"We are going to see the Oncologist Wednesday morning (4/30/08) who has scheduled another CatScan as well. I hope the news is not to bad...I am hoping for good news. News we don't have to worry to much about. Please keep us in your thoughts.4/30/08 - We are still in a waiting game, today my dad had to see his doctor who shared the news that he had cancer. Had to get a Cat Scan, give blood, and get instructions for his next steps. He has 2 appointments on Friday, has to complete a 24 hour urine test on Sunday, and has another appointment with the doctor on Monday. It's crazy how quickly things start to happen. You barley have any time to soak the information up before you are getting instructions on what you have to do next. I feel awful for my dad, I can tell he is overwhelmed and does not want anyone to know. This was what the Dr. said, he is 99.9% sure its cancer but he does not know where the cancer is. Not sure if its on the adrenal gland, kidney, or liver. He also mentioned that he needed to get a good look at my dad's stomach to make sure no cancer was their. He is possibly going to do a biopsy of the lymph node depending on the urinalysis results. So again we wait! Not knowing what type of cancer it is or how we are going to beat this shit. I feel so selfish when I say this but its my finals week and I am so drained already I just want it to go away for 2 weeks. Just so I could finish school without the extra stress. Guess life never works on your plans. More details to come.